"I'm not a born actress, as such, I care about expressing feelings." -Audrey Hepburn

Many times I care too much about feelings and feelings make up my whole world for me. It makes me wonder whether the world I'm living in is the real one. Cause I feel surreal in my own delusion more than anywhere else.

I want to play a grand piano on some gorgeous stage with a million audience.
I want to learn as many instruments as possible; saxophone will be next.
I want to dive in a swimming pool-sized of chocolate fondue.
I want a field flooded with orange daisies.
I want to teleport to Berklee!
I want a library of books with classics, and very very very extremely good books & novels.
I want to own a home movie theatre with my very own ice cream fridge.
I want to direct my own gore movie and write my own gore novel. (this is thrilling.)
I want to get married to some rich guy and be a tai tai. HAH.

@ lolalimlumlabe_92@hotmail.com

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If I should say, I wondered why someone can so fucking care to watch this space when I'm like shit to her. Maybe, I'm entertainment to her. Oh, with that, I will say thank you very much. But guess what, the names she called, they ain't affecting me. FYI, she should start studying cause if she can't make it for uni, I will walk to her and spit in her face. So, maybe you should focus on what she should and not be too mindful of my space.

Oh, FYI, I forgot to mention that whatever she blogged last year was saved. And we are ready to use it against her in court. What more man, teachers in my previous school also read them and agreed to help us to get her down, even her form teacher. So, she should really watch her words. And if she thinks that it's just a threat, it's not. Cos, police report can be made. And we will definitely bring it up to authorities.

So hey, you jolly well watch your words, miss. This is not like the last time. I'll not let it off that easily. Watch it. ****************

I grant myself a day of rest. I know I still have work due, but I shall ignore it. No essays, no case studies, no formulaes.

Bathed and clean in my shorts and tee. A cup of hot chocolate, the scent lingered in my room. With a soothing music at the back of my ears, just me and my books & magazines, with a couple of videos. It's felt SO great.

Goodness, it's been so long I actually have such comforting time for myself. My simple indulgences.

I'm atracted to this picture. The thick hair, sunken eyes, thin lips and the jawlines. He's not exactly gorgeous, but he just look good and attractive. And I don't know who he is ! HAHA. He's a photo I stumbled upon browsing through the Net.

cold rock, another form of indulgences. love it to bitss.

Kay, I realise my thoughts ran wild today. Fickled and crazy. HAHA. Eh, that also explains why my post has no sequence in series. Well, good night.

I wanna post trug photos, but they ain't upload to fb yet.
And and andd, I know it sounds like a joke. But I don't really know how to use twitter. HAHAHA.

Back to basics, my books and bed. ****************

Oh man, I've got school tmr. I was supposed to be on LOA. But then, it changed. *Dreads*
My results are fairly alright. They are at extreme far lengths!

Recently, there are so many heavy thoughts which make me come to a point where I realised, it's time I make a decision. I can't stay at the junction for too long.

And I did, I wanna return to my very heart of worship. I want to, but something don't seem willing to.


That's just a slice of my many many thoughts. HAHA.

To all my dear sci - atheists out there, it's my love note to you :


I disagree, God didn't create science. He created the world.
Science is the method of how humans comprehend God's created world. And it's very myopic.

Get this right. Science will never support your faith. Never. Science is indeed the antithesis of faith.
But guess what? God didn't say, research and prove that I exist. or logically deduce that I exist. No we were simply told to have faith.

Honest to blog, you never know whether the science we believe in is right. Everyday new hypotheses are being formed.

You see, what if the big bang theory wasn't the opposite of creation, but the method how God created the universe?Or what if the mystic state of our mind, is indeed spirituality? It's the inbuilt part of our brain that God put there to help us experience the spirituality. Maybe somewhere in our brain is where our soul rests.

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the opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy.
- Leo Bascaglia (Rachel's blog)

Love, it's intense. It generates so much emotions and makes us feel as if it is oxygen to sustain our very being. Love, it makes us feel that we can overcome all barriers and move against anything that gets in our way. And love, it makes us feel special. It feels good to know that we actually mean a whole life to someone. It's more than just the feeling of holding hands or the soft kisses on the cheek. But, it's believing that no matter what we're going through, no matter how we are feeling, that special someone will always be there to brighten our day, to know how to make us smile in our own special way.

Yet, love, it generates pain too. It hurts when we can only watch blissful smiles over the faces of others who have a shoulder over them. As a matter of fact, loneliness hurts, rejection hurts, losing someone hurts, envy hurts. It pains to lose someone so close to our hearts as if our hearts are smashed into pieces by the special one. It is so frustrating that any little thing will give us the reason to blow up. Sometimes we wish it didn't hurt so much. But it hurts because we feel it, because we are alive. It generates so much power and energy, same kind of energy that binds atoms together. And it is the excruciating pain induced from love that we wish our hearts will stop beating. We wish we were dead.

Pain, it's not the opposite of love. It's apathy. It's the numbness in our hearts when we fail to love. When we aren't able to feel for anything and anyone. It makes us cold and detach. It makes us lonely. Apathy, and we think we don't need love. Though it prevents us from going through the aftermath, pain, it robs us of the joy we deserve. It constantly decieves us of the things around us. It betrays our innate feelings towards our loved ones. Apathy, it stole away the very thing that keep us alive.

Love, so pain that it makes us wanna die. Apathy, it's when our hearts are completely dead and we don't realise it. At least with pain, we know we are still breathing and intact; alive.

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