"I'm not a born actress, as such, I care about expressing feelings." -Audrey Hepburn

Many times I care too much about feelings and feelings make up my whole world for me. It makes me wonder whether the world I'm living in is the real one. Cause I feel surreal in my own delusion more than anywhere else.

I want to play a grand piano on some gorgeous stage with a million audience.
I want to learn as many instruments as possible; saxophone will be next.
I want to dive in a swimming pool-sized of chocolate fondue.
I want a field flooded with orange daisies.
I want to teleport to Berklee!
I want a library of books with classics, and very very very extremely good books & novels.
I want to own a home movie theatre with my very own ice cream fridge.
I want to direct my own gore movie and write my own gore novel. (this is thrilling.)
I want to get married to some rich guy and be a tai tai. HAH.

@ lolalimlumlabe_92@hotmail.com

Adina Amanda Amethyst Chenchen Esthergoh Estherlee Fionalim Gladys Jono Kennethleow Rachel Yijun Yuhong

June 2008July 2008August 2008September 2008October 2008November 2008December 2008January 2009February 2009March 2009April 2009May 2009June 2009July 2009August 2009September 2009October 2009November 2009December 2009January 2010February 2010March 2010April 2010May 2010June 2010July 2010August 2010September 2010October 2010November 2010December 2010January 2011February 2011March 2011April 2011May 2011June 2011

PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE % Pictures: Photobucket
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% designer: Weannz
% Basecode: Weannz

Heartless bastard, fuck off.
Who are you to cause so much turmoil in the already wrecked soul. Who are you really.

You had the capacity to make my heart beats for you, then you jolly well have the ability to protect it.

And how could you. How could you treat everything like it's not your fault.
How could you give up so easily. If you are going to put me your last choice for everything, then please explain when you say you love.

I need an explanation for everything. Because you make me feel that what I'm fighting for is a mere empty shell.

If you can't live up to what love really is, then you jolly well fuck off. Get out. ****************

"My body is so exhausted that I feel like it could collapse into oblivion any second, but my mind is completely alert, trying to out race itself. If I close my eyes, I start seeing my thoughts, and that is the last thing I want. And that is the saddest sad, when you are burying not the past, but the future that you dreamt of. I want to see a black canvas and a new beginning."

- Glory Szabo.

I hope life treats me better. It's as if something or someone has carried this huge amount of hate and vengeance towards me, that my life can't be any worse than this. It cannot.

People say things like, "Indeed you are in a very unfortunate situation...", "If you can't try to understand or be happy, and that's too bad.", "Think and do whatever you want, cause I'm done with you."

Everytime when people realise the indeed unfortunate state I'm in, there is this dying need to be there for me. Truth is, everyone wants to be there, everyone wants to somehow be a hero in my life. But sadly, not everyone knows how difficult it is to really be there. It takes more than just a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. It takes more than just listening and sympathising with me. I don't need those pitiful gazes. It takes more than that to be really there.

And many upon realising, they leave. Some left by creating a huge mess in my life, some left without a word. Cause they finally understood what it really really means to be there. Yet, they left and trampled over a poor soul, deepening the wreck as if it is not in a bad enough state.

I never said it was going to be easy. It is difficult being strong for a person like me. And it's really up to you whether it's worth going through. So please, don't walk into my life if you intend to leave. Don't. I can't afford to collapse any further. Because anything that strikes now can be the end of sanity. Yes, I'm so close, so close to breaking that thread of sanity.

A's is in less than 48 hours, and Idk what the heck I've been doing. Bless me. I've been praying a lot lately. Help me get thru this, not expecting excellent grades, just good enough to get by. Amen.

****************