Yes. I shall not procrasinate and spend my time wisely. Less than 4 months, I'm giving my full force.
And somehow, even tho I kinda dislike the stress that comes w studying. It made me feel happier cos I get into less trouble, I think. Troubles like distraught thoughts and overwhelming relationships. Not like drugs or assault, if that's why you are thinking.
I used to feel, I need everything placed in the right footing in my life. Perfect friends & family, perfect bf, perfect house & sch & career. You name it you have it. I need things in life to come w massive achievements. Massive, like spectacular. I know I sound like a perfectionist. But I guess I'm not being a perfectionist, more like being idealistic & non realistic.
I realised, I just need to be contented. And be a lil more forgiving to things surrounding me.
Ok, this sounds like a very reflective & spiritual post. Hahaha.
Ok, I'm gonna share something really personal which is rarely my way of writing on a public space.
Recently, someone asked me about my love life. I frozed. Actually, I don't really like talking or even publicising. Cause it's too complicated & well, sometimes too unconventional. (I'm not a lesbian) Many have so much to talk about love. But many know so little about it. And I'm still growing & learning to love.
Like this song goes, "There's gotta be something for my soul out there..."
I believe in having someone so special that surpasses all boundaries of location, of time, of anyone that comes along. There's no intervention of any sort which can waver our love. And that it doesn't change the state of my love for him. To me, that's perfect. Ah, haha, my idea of perfection again. I'm not asking for an ideal man w that hot looking bod and all the perfect shit people talk about. But it's all that little imperfections of him that makes him so perfect and right for me. Sounds cliché right.
But as you read and all those words sink deep down in your heart as it soothes right inside you. It feels damn amazing just thinking about it.
To my special someone, I pray you wait. You wait for us to be one. You wait for us to be perfect for each other.
Adiéu, mon chéri. Je t'aime.
Alright. Bummers to start.
First, Germany lost and I lost my bet. Not monetary bet. Something worse than that though.
Second, I failed math despite thinking that I could at least pass. It's really demoralizing esp when you really did try. And tried the hardest outta the rest of the subjects. I really really need some help.
Third, I'm suffering from a 'sleep too much' syndrome. I sleep for 12 hours. Worst, I sleep at 6am in the morning. My body clock is not functioning well.
Sidenote,
Today I learnt about making decisions. Making wise decisions.
And to say something to this friend : leaving church was a wise decision for me. There are many things that you don't see. If you see people learning and growing, I'm sorry I don't. Cause I see a group of people growing towards emptiness and conformity.
I can't speak for anyone but myself. And I'm not being judgemental.
And I can't say I'm better off. But at least I know, I can be myself. The only way to stay alive and feel alive, is to be true to myself. And I can't be what the church wants me to be. Being stifled and suffocated in an organisation, I don't see any growth of any sort.
My main point in saying all these is to let you know why I left. And to tell you've no right to judge me and comment should I or should I not leave. You aren't leading my life, or ever a listener to me, so you've no right to make a comment like that.
Ok, back t sch life. I'm very disturbed by the results from midyears. I think I really need to gear up and be focus. I'm panicking cause there's only 4 months left. Ugh, and there goes my nightlife. :(
Fingers crossed, study hard and study harder.
Goodbye to you loved ones. Goodbye to you beloved. I want to tell you I will be back. But I'm afraid I'm only back to wreck you. So, goodbye.
Adiéu, mon chéri. Je t'aime.