"I'm not a born actress, as such, I care about expressing feelings." -Audrey Hepburn

Many times I care too much about feelings and feelings make up my whole world for me. It makes me wonder whether the world I'm living in is the real one. Cause I feel surreal in my own delusion more than anywhere else.

I want to play a grand piano on some gorgeous stage with a million audience.
I want to learn as many instruments as possible; saxophone will be next.
I want to dive in a swimming pool-sized of chocolate fondue.
I want a field flooded with orange daisies.
I want to teleport to Berklee!
I want a library of books with classics, and very very very extremely good books & novels.
I want to own a home movie theatre with my very own ice cream fridge.
I want to direct my own gore movie and write my own gore novel. (this is thrilling.)
I want to get married to some rich guy and be a tai tai. HAH.

@ lolalimlumlabe_92@hotmail.com

Adina Amanda Amethyst Chenchen Esthergoh Estherlee Fionalim Gladys Jono Kennethleow Rachel Yijun Yuhong

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FAREWELL 2010.

2010, thank you. Thanks for the friends that I've made & the friends that have come so far w me. I love you guys.

& 2010, we grow & we love.
We fall in love & we fall out of love. We hurt, we cry, we bitch & we forgive. And that makes us more human than ever.

I don't regret the decisions I've made. Many tears & many heartaches. But I know that everything that happens, I will come out stronger.

And this will be one of the years where I'll look back and realise that it contains some of the very highlights of my life. This year may not be the best, but it is definitely the most meaningful so far.

I don't have any resolutions. But I wanna be best friend w myself & love myself more.

Special thanks to nana. You're the best. Because I know that even if everyone fails, you'll be there to pick me up. I love you.

To kewtie pie, you may not know, but you occupy almost my entire heart. And falling out makes me realise that I cannot live hoping you will come back. But I hope you know that there's always someone who loves you. Forever.

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This space has become a mobbing outlet for me. But nah, not gonna mob and weep today.
And as promised, I'm gonna give some solid updates.

Well, basically I'm trying to keep myself as busy as possible. I've got two jobs now. Gonna start my 10am - 7pm office work soon. Gosh, I really dread office work, but I guess it's bearable for the pay and flexibility of the job. My second job is just giving tuition. So it's pretty much it.

And guys, I think I'm gonna get a tattoo soon! But, I'm still contemplating because of my mommy and actually yes, the pain and the blood loss. Idk, I really want a pair of angel wings at the back shoulders. So, any good tattoo artist to introduce me?

My free time is very much occupied with watching criminal minds & how I met your mother. I swear that I'm turning into a psycho. 'Criminal Minds' trains me to be resistant to atrocities in life. Tsk tsk, that's an exaggeration. The scary part is, I sympathise with the killers more than the victims which leads to my hypothesis of me transgressing into a serial killer soon. Hahaha.

Other than that, I've been trying to hit the track or the pool everyday. And I'm gonna start kickboxing soon. So, I guess that will be a more healthy lifestyle. Talking about healthy lifestyle, I thought I will be clubbing almost every weekend after my A's. But I guess, I'm getting a lil sick of it. Great company and ambience are so important to me now. Can't stand crowds nowadays.

Yes, I'm rambling a lot of crap here. But I guess, that takes my mind off all the depressing dramas in life. I'm still suffering from insomnia, that's why I'm still wide awake at 4am. But I'm gg to sleep after watching my shows.

One question, can lovers become friends? Is it even possible?

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It has been said, "time heals all wounds." I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
- Rose Kennedy.

Because, these scar tissue may come in the form of calluses. When they are scrapped off, I will realise that I'm back to square one. (continuing the quote)

Life has been slamming into my face like a sledgehammer. And how I hope certain things are merely my paranoia acting up. But maybe, it was indeed my delusions that lead to such tragedy. Yes, tragedy. And you may question, how is it a tragedy if it doesn't lead to fatalism. Well, should I say, I was close. Close to that.

I looked back at the things that have happened. And this question keeps directing back to me. "What the hell have I been doing with my life?" I thought this can't be the end of it because I know greater things are ahead of me. I love you. But I want to love myself more.

And now, I will pick up what's left. One thing I learnt, there's no such obstacle so huge that one can never find that ounce of strength to live through it. I may never be able to heal those wounds. But I will cover it with greater things in life.

I know this is pretty vague but I will update soon. Real soon. And definitely, I will continue my short poetic writings. Meantime, I need to get a breather and some inspiration to go by writing.
Oh yes, I wanna thank those we have been there. You know who you are. Love you guys.

Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
- William Wordsworth.

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