"I'm not a born actress, as such, I care about expressing feelings." -Audrey Hepburn

Many times I care too much about feelings and feelings make up my whole world for me. It makes me wonder whether the world I'm living in is the real one. Cause I feel surreal in my own delusion more than anywhere else.

I want to play a grand piano on some gorgeous stage with a million audience.
I want to learn as many instruments as possible; saxophone will be next.
I want to dive in a swimming pool-sized of chocolate fondue.
I want a field flooded with orange daisies.
I want to teleport to Berklee!
I want a library of books with classics, and very very very extremely good books & novels.
I want to own a home movie theatre with my very own ice cream fridge.
I want to direct my own gore movie and write my own gore novel. (this is thrilling.)
I want to get married to some rich guy and be a tai tai. HAH.

@ lolalimlumlabe_92@hotmail.com

Adina Amanda Amethyst Chenchen Esthergoh Estherlee Fionalim Gladys Jono Kennethleow Rachel Yijun Yuhong

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PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE % Pictures: Photobucket
% Brushes/Fonts: Henri Eshita
% designer: Weannz
% Basecode: Weannz

Hmm. Somehow, I just can't get over Chinese though chinese O's are over. I know it definitely wouldn't be an A. But somehow, I'm hoping for an A2 at least. It's quite demoralising to do really badly for my previous few chinese papers and even oral. I simply can't imagine I did so badly for oral. I could see from the teacher, trying to strain her ears to understand a 'foreign' language. But I'm pretty convinced that I was speaking mandarin. I felt so horrible and disabled in a way to be unable to speak fluent mandarin when others are handling more than two languages.
My mom is pretty good at both languages(english & mandarin). She was shocked that I couldn't read off those simple Chinese characters from an advertisement and got more worried that I had problems conversing mandarin with my grandma. That was so bad.
And my inability to handle two languages, especially my mother tongue disturbed me so much and trigger some thoughts in me.
Spore education system has been trying so hard to get us more English-educated and everything is taught in English. We speak English everyday. And the only times when I actually use mandarin was in Chinese lessons and when conversing with hawkers outside, assuming they don't understand English. Somehow, many fall into thinking that knowing & speaking english is not just ain't a language, they wanted to be part of that culture too. And that's generally the America culture many s'poreans are trying to sink in.
People didn't realise certain things that the americans believed in is a total far-fetch to what we Asians believed in. Just taking of the values we hold is already a big difference. And many people embraced their culture and totally throw away their real identity as an asian, as a chinese. And that totally pissed me off.
Yes, though I can't handle my chinese language well, but I will never go to the extent of throwing away my traditional culture as a chinese. We keep talking about learning others' culture, but yet sometimes unknowingly, we became part of that culture. I'm proud of being a chinese and I'm pretty sure of my race. And of coz, I will try my best to improve my chinese! HAHA.
So stop trying to be part of others' culture cause there's definitely a purpose God made you an Asian. Just a thought for a day. Aye. ****************