first.
Monday, September 22, 2008
I broke down. After so long, my room was once again filled with that sweet presence of the Lord, my love and Saviour. I always thought, why and who would ever leave upon knowing how perfect and beautiful His goodness and love is. But I did. I left Him when I choose to stop loving His people. And I left when I choose to give up on His people as well.
I felt jaded. I felt restrained. I gave up seeking and loving. I realised I didn't know how to live my life anymore. Everything became so meaningless. People became less significant. All my passion turned to cold hard burdens. I told myself, I give up. Everything died. Everything.
At the altar, the Lord touched me. I needed His anointing. I knew I need Him so badly. The fresh anointing lingered in my heart. It felt right. It felt real. I knew I never had to put a face front. I broke down before His feet. He didn't judge and condemn me. He could, but He didn't and I know very well, that's because He knew exactly and entirely how I felt about everything. He loves me always no matter how circumstances varies. He died for me so that I could live a life of victory.
The fresh tangible love flooded my heart; my first love. The still anointing came like scent; my first breath. The comfort & peace that nothing could replace; my first joy.
As I despair, He revealed Himself again and again, stronger and stronger each time. The first love came much more intense. The first breath came much more still. The first joy came much more sweeter.
How can anyone deny of His everlasting love and never ending strength?
"I love, because You first love me. I live, because of what You gave. You died, showed me how to live. Your mercy taught me to forgive. You came and poured Yourself so free. Your blood washed away my shame, and now I can live again. I'm more of you and less of me. My first love; forever You will be. My first breath; You're the life in me.My first joy; the world can never take from me. My convenant with You, Jesus."
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