lover of my soul.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
That Saturday, should I say it was phenomenal? Or rather it was just something close to my heart? My eyes were brimmed with tears as I recalled that corner I stood where that same old love song lingered in my heart. I remembered that Voice. I remembered that peace. And I felt it. Those arms wrapped around me, I know He’s there.
As the band continues to play, Jesus, lover of my soul, Jesus I’ll never let you go…
Those words simply seeped through my heart. I began to weep like nobody’s business. How ashamed I was. How screwed I felt. How wretched I am. That song, it reminds me of my life. My past, my present, my future. My everything. That, my lifesong I should say.
I was terribly screwed with everything and anything. My responsibilities, my visions, my loved ones, I screwed every single one of it. Everything was out of place. I felt I’ve reached to my maximum and I couldn’t go on anymore. But then again, I don’t wish to turn to Him. I don’t want to seek and pray. I hated the fact that He has to always be so whole and great. I hated the fact that He has to be so perfect and mighty that everything is under His control. And I hated the fact that He has to be my only resort for everything and anything. And I didn’t wanna go back to church anymore.
Yet, I chose to go back, because I had nowhere to go on a Saturday and I didn’t want to lie about my whereabouts to my leaders either.
I stepped in, not hoping for anything. My heart was already hardened. I don’t wish for anything to come by. In other words, I’ve given up my relationship with Him.
As soon as the service comes to a closing, I stood up upon hearing that song. I hummed along that tune…As I searched my heart deep down; I know He will always be my love. For He does not give as the world gives, the love and peace that He placed in my heart was undeniable and overpowering. Yes, I love Him and I need Him. No matter how wretched I was, no matter how I collapsed, He’ll never leave. Yet, why did I leave when He chose to stay by me?
I was ashamed. I didn’t dare to lift up my head to face Him. Why did I hurt Him over and over again? Why did I choose everything and anything over Him over and over again?
He repeatedly said this, nothing else but this, “I love you no matter what. I love you no matter what…” But that was enough for me to know. I just need to know that.
Jesus lover of my soul
Jesus I’ll never let you go
You’ve taken me from the miry clay
You’ve set my feet upon the Rock
Now I know
I love you
I need you
Though my world may fall
I’ll never let you go
My saviour
My closest friend
I’ll worship you
Until the very end
"I love you no matter what..."
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